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Not mine anymore.

I went to college today after my semester break hoping to start everything afresh.
I stopped for a while outside her class hoping that I might see her from the back window but then I realised that she has not come yet.
I collected myself and went to attend my first lecture.
I was sitting and our teacher was teaching but I couldnt help my mind from discovering those moments that I spent with her and within no time all I can think about was her, within no time all I then wanted was to be with her and for the next two and a half hours my heartbeat started to beat so fast that I got a panic attack.
10 Feb.. I remember when we were just friends and we started to like each other more than a friend kind and I didnt want anything more than a friendship, so I remember sitting in my classroom and suddenly a thought flashed through my mind. The thought was about her and about me, my brain asked my heart that what would happen if you lost her to somebody else...can you imagine your life without her?
That was the first time in my life that my heart went so crazy.. you know it started beating so fast that it seemed that it wanted something so bad and so fast that I failed to control it and I got a panic attack. My friends kept on asking me what happend and asked to go to the emergency as my whole body was  trembling.And at that moment I first realised that I was in love with her. Its very true that when you fall in love, everything else seems so gloomy and undesirable if the person you love is not with you as in your ❤-Partner. So all I then wanted was to confess everything to her. Being so shy I wrote "I Love you" in a small piece of paper in my baddest handwriting and as soon as the lecture got over I ran towards her and I hand it over to her. She hesitated to take it at first because before that day I clearly told her that you are only a good friend to me like my other friends are..not more than that. So she hesitated to take that chit from me because she came to end everything because she was hurt as she thought that we were more than friends and she had feelings for me. I asked her to just open that piece of paper for once and read it but she kept on saying that I can't now because all she could think was that I didnt have feelings for her. I again asked her to please just open it and read and then say anything to me. The moment she read "I Love You", her face lit up like anything and that was the most amazing thing that i ever saw and my heart skipped a beat. She asked if its true and i replied with a nod being so shy. I was so blushing that it was so hard for me to face her and I kept on saying yes its true yes its true.
BUT, today when i realised the difference of these panic attacks I cried my eyes out.
That one was when I realised that I love her
This one was when I realised that she is not mine anymore. 💔

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